conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
