How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
