She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
