I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
