Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
