Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
