eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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