Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
