I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
