At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
