Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
