I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
