Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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