My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
