Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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