even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
