I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
