So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
