its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
