I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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