Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
