Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
