his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
