found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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