My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
