I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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