He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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