when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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