i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
