My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
