i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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