i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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