you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
