I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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