dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
