dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
