you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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