I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
