If that was your dad, he is hot
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
