If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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