Why are handjobs necessary in class?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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