Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
