Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
farters have to be the big spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize