just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
