apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I want her autograph on my taint
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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