haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
