Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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