You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
