I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
