She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
