i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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