She is in my trunk
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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