sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
