I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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