I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
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