when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
