If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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