You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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