we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
