Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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