I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
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Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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