i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
