I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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