32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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