She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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