Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I have post one night stand depression
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
