I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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