That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
