you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
