So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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