We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
