I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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