im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
