Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
