names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
