So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
