I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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