it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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