Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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