I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
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He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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