There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize