Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you will always have a special place in my vag
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
did i just pee glitter
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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