What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
