i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
