I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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